Our Children are Borrowed and Need to be Returned

Not many people know I came to homeschooling through my work as a freelance writer. I spoke to several sisters on a topic I had never even fathomed.

But Allah knew I was struggling with pre-school and through His guidance I embraced homeschooling, with some nerves but a lot of interest. This did not happen until I spoke to sisters like Umm Raiyaan, after reading her amazing blog, and getting know her lovely children.

What a blessing.

Not only did I continue to homeschool (and plan to homeschool well into the future), I also made great friends and found parenting networks I would have not heard of if I had not discovered the true simplicity of educating your own children.

This is the first time I "spoke" with Umm Raiyaan. It was a year ago, and her interview was not published due to erratic working timelines. Browsing through my old emails, I found this treasure, and just had to share it here. I hope it inspires you as much as it inspired me.

[Kindly note that every homeschooler is different, and decisions to homeschool come from different paths. This is Umm Raiyaan's story].

Homeschooling by Maria: Why homeschool? I know there are plenty of reasons for a parent to choose the homeschooling route and they are all commendable – but what are your reasons and how did you come to making this choice?

Umm Raiyaan: If a friend lent you a personal item and entrusted it with you, you would return it to them in the same if not better state that they lent it to you. This is what I am doing. I choose to homeschool because my children are an amanah (a trust) from Allah (Swt).

They do not belong to me. They will return to the One whom they belong to, and I wish to return them back to Him (Swt) in as pure a state as possible.

I passionately believe that the school system, whether state, private or Islamic does not provide the means to raise my children as pious and devout believers. I have great aspirations for my children, both Islamic and academic.

I do not want them to merely pass through this world as muslims, but to be the BEST Muslims. I want them to follow their interests and to contribute to the world based on those interests. I want them to be unique and not merely conforming to what the majority say, do and wear (even if the majority are muslims).

I have other reasons why I homeschool, but these are my main reasons. I always knew I wanted to homeschool and it was very easy for me to make the choice due to Allah (Swt) allowing me to befriend sisters who were also homeschoolers. The choice wasn't a difficult one because when anyone believes passionately about something, they just simply go for it!

Homeschooling by Maria:
How old are your children and what homeschooling methods have you adopted for educating them? Again, why would you choose these methods over others since there are so many?

Umm Raiyaan: My daughter is going to be 5 years old and my son is 1 year old [note: this interview was conducted in February 2009]. I have been homeschooling my daughter since she was 2.5 years old. Many people laugh when they learn this. But after taking a look at my blog or visiting our home and seeing what we have done, they realise that you can indeed start homeschooling at such a young age.

As for methods, there are so many! I remember the day I began to look at the type of approach I would take to homeschooling and I became so overwhelmed! There are so many books, so many approaches, and 1000s of websites! I didn't know where to begin. However, I took my time read many books, website pages, and spoke to many sisters.

I knew instantly that unschooling was definitely a 'no no' for me. I just couldn't risk allowing my special sprouts to do as they wished, hoping to learn something in the process!

I then came across a book called The Well Trained Mind and knew instantly that this would be the approach I would take with my children. It is a classical method of education, whose foundation is the trivium.

The trivium organises learning around the maturing capacitiy of the child's mind. The theory of the trivium is that there is a three-part process of training the mind.

The first stage is the 'grammar stage' where memorization of facts is the focus. This stage is language-focussed. This normally occurs between the ages of 5 to 9 years old. For example, rules of phonics, vocabulary of a language, human body facts. The second stage is the 'logic stage' where the child from ages 10-13 pays attention to cause and effect, the relationships between fields of knowledge. For example, analysis of texts, why wars were fought in history. The third stage is the 'rhetoric stage', ages 14-18. This stage builds on the previous two stages. Here, the child learns to write with originality. The child uses the rules of the grammar stage and the reasonings learnt in the logic stage to express conclusions in clear and elegant language. As a result of all of this, the child then follows the branch of knowledge that interests them.

I chose the classical method as I believe it fits in with the fitrah of the human being. I also believe it ties in with Islamic teachings, in that a memorization of Qu'ran is learnt before studying tafseer. Now, I must state that this method can sound quite rigid and dull. It isn't at all and actually there are many blogs of homeschoolers who have lots of fun following this method.

Homeschooling by Maria: How do you feel homeschooling has affected you as a mother and a person? How do you feel as a student under your own education system?

Umm Raiyaan: By the grace of Allah (Swt) it has brought me closer to my children, it has made me value them. It has given me many opportunities to hope for reward from my Lord as every second of my homeschooling is insha'Allah an act of ibadah. As a person, I have learnt how important the foundation of a Muslim is.

My daughter's face changes whenever Shaytaan is mentioned. She really does hate him. As a revert, I do not have that same amount of hatred and I can see how important it is for the foundation to be correct from such a young age, in order for that child to grow into a true believer.

Homeschooling by Maria: You live in the UK, and most people would be envious that you are privy to one of the best educational systems in the world. At least, that is the perception – how would you explain that to those who are skeptical about your choice of educating your children on your own?

Umm Raiyaan: Well, let me tell you that I was educated all the way through the UK system and it wasn't the education system that led me to Islam. Only later in adult life as a result of soul searching have I finally found what 'truly' interests me.

The education system in the UK places the child in a box. 30 chidren must be taught the same lessons with perhaps slight differentiation. If a child who is in year 3 actually performs at a year 6 level, there is no way that a teacher can tailor the education to that level.

So, what happens?

The child is not challenged, is utterly bored and as a result develops behavioral problems. It is the same with a child who is at a lower level. If the child is falling behind, that child does not receive the attention that she needs and again, problems in behaviour occur.

Our children have the right to follow their interests and learn in the individual ways they grow academically and Islamically. School just doesn't allow that to happen.

Homeschooling by Maria: How would you compare a child’s development being homeschooled as opposed to those who attend public institutions?

Umm Raiyaan: I think I pretty much answered this question in the previous one. However, I will say this: Is development merely an issue of exams and tests that are passed or how that child develops into a well-rounded young adult who loves Allah, is fearful of Him and is happy in life? The answer to your question lies in this answer.

Homeschooling by Maria: What are your aspirations for your children? What are the du’as you usually make for them?

Umm Raiyaan: My main aspiration is Jannah al-Firdous. In the dunya, I want them to be happy. This may sound simple, but we are living in an age where most people are desperately unhappy.

It is my firm belief that happiness lies in our relationship with Allah (Swt) as well as fulfilling our potential and engaging in our own personal joys and interests. Homeschooling lays out the path for children to insha'Allah achieve these things.

I do make dua for my children, and home education would not work without Allah (Swt) help and guidance. I make dua for my children to die as good muslims. I make dua for Allah to increase them in understanding - academically and Islamically.

I make dua for them to become learned in the deen and to become hafidh. And I make dua for them to achieve happiness and contentment dunya wa akhirah.

Homeschooling by Maria: Do you have advice for other mothers interested in homeschooling? From a Muslimah’s perspective?

Umm Raiyaan: Pause and reflect.

Why are we breathing and living?

Why are we mothers?

What do we really really want for our children?

Although home education is on the rise alhamdulillah, a lot of homeschoolers are still attacked for the same reasons again and again: You're not qualified to teach. What about socialisation? They need to learn how to deal with people, etc.

My advice is this: Don't listen to people. Go for it. Speak to those who homeschool. Read read and read. And of course pray salatul istikhara and make dua to your Lord to make it very easy for you.

Believe passionately in the aspirations you have for your children and Allah will facilitate the rest.

Flying High (with Support)

I know we are barely in the second week of the New Year, but I count my accomplishments as and when they come, no matter how tiny they are. It keeps things in perspective. Dawdling on mishaps used to be my thing, and it did not really help.

Alhamdulillah, homeschooling is going well so far, especially with some better planning. It also helps since the children's attention spans' are lengthening. They can actually sit still for a few minutes at a time and appreciate the effort they put into their work.

I am counting my blessings because I often have to remind myself not to keep second-guessing my progress or the children's. Homeschoolers, like outschoolers, are all unique and develop at their own paces. It's hard enough to not compare ourselves with outschoolers: (Are they (my kids) on the right track? Can they read as many words as so-and so? Are they still allowed to use their fingers when adding?); but it's also hard not to compare with other homeschoolers.

Thank God, the homeschoolers I have met and read have been supportive and keep reminding me (directly and indirectly) that the point of homeschooling is not to test if your child reaches certain stipulated standards, but to raise children who love learning and continue learning without pressure, rather than feeling continuously pushed to be a high-flier. Yes, yes... I remember, and remind me often!

Reading David BC Tan's post here, was the ultimate reminder. Homeschool support rocks! I also found the story of the twins astonishing by the way.

So, I am smiling well into week two of the New Year. So much so, when the kids brough back party streamers from Cousin A's birthday, I blurted, "We could make kites!" What a mistake, especially when the sun had already set and I needed my time to start on a new project.

We had the great battle between the Now-now's and the No-no's. And our kids - with attention spans of mutated goldfish and memories of elephants - reminded me at the crack of dawn that we had to make kites today.

So we made kites. Easy-peasy, fun and easy - but to two Now-now toddlers, it was complete bewilderement. They discovered the joy of running around in circles with a kite, instead of without a kite. I told them one day we will take them to a beach where we can fly real kites, instead of modified A4 papers, held together with satay skewers and cellotape.

But to them, their kites sufficed and they have been flying high ever since.

I kept the party streamers in an empty ice-cream box as part and parcel of our recycling oath. I will remember to use them again, whenever I need another vote of confidence as I have archived in my subconscious that party streamers equals high flying homeschooling support.

Let's Look it Up!

Just before bedtime we were watching a National Geo segment of the Liger. It was really interesting as I had no idea this animal existed. Questions of morality aside, I was impressed with the story of this creature and how a hybrid between a Lion and Tigress would actually turn out twice the size of the male parent. The liger is also considerably stronger than both parents; swims like a tiger and socialises like a lion.

The short segment really captured our attention and the children had many questions. It is fun to know that their world is their classroom. We have the opportunity to learn together and answer each other's questions. There is no shame in not knowing the answers either. And with the wealth of information the net has to offer, we can always google on up and find the answer side by side. We're each others' teachers as much as we are students, and as every student should know, learning really has no end.

A few weeks back we watched a part of "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader," and the show focused on laughing it out as a 5th Grade Teacher with a decade's worth of experience could barely get by the simplest questions without the help of one student each time. When the host asked how she answered questions in her class when she did know the answer, she said, "I tell them, let's look it up!"

We only watched National Geo for a while as bedtime was imminent (itchy heads, red beady eyes), so we said goodnight to the Liger once the credits were rolling. Ten minutes of that was enough to remind me that DH and my collective knowledge would never be enough to satisfy those endless questions. But that is one the advantages I feel we have in homeschooling. When we don't know the answers, we will look them up. And in time, as most homeschoolers advocate, their children take the initiative to look up things that capture their interest and their curiosity.

It's a Blessing to Know

I had recently signed up for eHomemakers only to find out that I had signed up before but had forgotten my password. It's a good thing though, there are some interesting networks going on in there, especially for mothers / WAHMs.

I was browsing around the forum and naturally I clicked on a discussion about education. I was actually in search of other homeschoolers for playgroups with my children. Unfortunately there weren't any so I continued reading the existing sections.

That was when I stumbled upon a thread on "knowing what your child was doing wrong" (something to that effect) and a mother had posted a query on how to get her daughter's maths grades up as she was falling below 80%, (read as, falling below grade A).

Her daughter was still in primary school and she was worried that caning was no longer working. Ouch.

I'm reminded why I homeschool. The other mothers were quite supportive, though they agreed that they could not always about know what was happening in school. That's quite obvious. If your child is away from you for a few hours a day, there is no way of knowing exactly what happens during that duration, even if she or he tries to tell you in detail.

I notice that parents who send their children to school do worry about what their kids do not know and it's expected as this void reflects the fear of not knowing what they know, about their children.

When speaking to Coachsha the other weekend, besides her normal advice:,"if you have a choice, homeschool," she also said that one big difference between homeschoolers and outschoolers is that homeschoolers, know what their kids know.

Simply said, homeschoolers tend to concentrate on what their children know. And it's easy to know what they know, because we educate them ourselves. We notice their development at minute level and champion them on.

We don't dawdle around the areas that they need coaching in, getting stressed out and frazzled. Sure, it can poke on nerves, but we know what our children know, and that is enough to provide assurance that they are developing. Development does not necessarily have to happen in accordance to what is stipulated by the State.

Homeschoolers recognise development from a holistic point of view, where learned principles are carried out through living, and not just by book.

That alone realigns priorities on a custom-fit route for each child. We slowly encourage them to improve at their own pace filled with positive affirmations and support. This gives us, homeschoolers, the time and energy to focus on our children's strengths, which generally represent their interests - and children - as adults - are the happiest when they are engaged in the activities that interest them the most.

For the mother on eHomemakers, I believe her worries stem from not knowing what her child is knowing - translating it into the concern for her child's B's in mathematics. She could be scoring A's in all other subjects, but this mother was more concerned than ever about what her child could not do.

I think I was a bit agitated after reading the thread so DH asked me to quit for the night. It's good to take his advice and it helps when spouses support each other when educating their children. Homeschoolers are generally teams. Very rarely are mothers able to homeschool alone with peace of mind. If their husbands are supportive, the task becomes lightweight - lightweight and rewarding.

But it's also nice when both parents are in the know of their children. It's hard enough for one parent to keep track of a child's education in a institutionalised setting, so for both parents to know of their child's daily milestones in intrinsic detail is definitely a blessing like know other.

This Year, 2010

One of my resolutions for this New Year is to maintain a blog to chart the progress of my children through our homeschooling journey.

I see other homeschoolers set up their own blogs, and fervently share their adventures with their children and multiple needs.

They always catch me awe, at a strange moment of weakness and I realise, homeschooling really is that fun, when I don't feel nervous or stressed out.

And since I find comfort and support through other homeschooling parents' efforts in educating their children, I shall do the same, not only in hopes to provide the same comfort and support for other homeschoolers, but to remind myself of why I have taken this certain but precarious journey to raise my children as all-rounded individuals inshaallah.